Letter to Paul B, March 11, 1919

[Received March 27, 1919]

1211 Dakota St. Danville Ill. March 11, 1919.

Oh my precious Boy; I just must write you some of my intense feelings this morning. I am almost unnerved. Ruby brought your letter to Cecil of Feb. 2 up this morning and it tells of your heavy cold on your lungs and nothing to doctor with but castor oil. And I thought of your aching bones lying on the floor. And now to think that my words of concern and sympathy wont reach you for almost three weeks hense. I looked pretty strong for a letter from you yesterday forenoon but non[e] came. Then I had to go to Rifes for a sitting of eggs and when I got down there. almost the first thing they ask me was, did I get a letter from you I told them I didn't they said Cecil got one but of course none of us could or did know what was in it till Cecil read it and as she wouldnt come home till after school that night, Ruby was going to take it along down as she went to school. but said she would bring it up this morning right away which she did. Well dear boy the only quieting thought I have concerning your physical condition is that having such a close friend & as inteligent a one as he is I feel that now 18 days since your letter - (or 19 day today) that if any thing has happened either seriously sick or dead he would have sent us a cablegram. So I am trying to take heart that you are better by this time. This Mornings Press states a piece written by Serg. P.J. McLindan a member of the 33rd Div. telling of a show at Theatre Albert I. "Liberty Bells" the name of it. Well, well, the Carrier brought me a letter too from my precious boy dated Feb. 17. 3 days earlier than this last one of Cecils and cards & clipping of the same thing I was just going to write about. So I guess I will not say more about that, only ask, what the name of the play you said you were in. Now I am wondering why you are not getting your service Stripes[.] Who is the fellow that is responsible for such unjust acts. As Fleda and I were talking Sun. and had at different times before about how the people in general have such awful hate of germans and go to such awful extreems in laying every thing mean at their door and say all manner of things about them which of course is most all true but we said there were others just as unjust and when the time came there would be as horrible things committed by people that were not germans. and now it seems there has been, and still is being done very unjust things in the American and it Authorities have displayed prejudice, jealousies selfishness and partisan spirit etc etc and what not. It is a good thing there is to be no more war. for I think U.S. would have some "nuts" to deal with sure enough in his own country or with his own men. There is some hidden scheme in the war Authorities not trying to get the men home sooner. and if they dont send them back why do they allow some to have furloughs and other not. may be your turn will come yet. And if not may be they will be getting you ready to be sent home in the spring that is the talk now and has been officially stated that all National Guard Divisions will be sent back so take heart. Dont you and Mr. Taylor have your good times together yet where was he the day you run up in - or I should rather say climbed up into the Mountain. Now refering to your bad cold do you know that I believe you got it taking that strenious climb may be getting too warm and no doubt got cooled off pretty suddenly and pretty thorough too. I do feel so troubled about your cold. Did you say that building you are in is the insane asylum. Your letter made me think of a comedian I at times felt like crying then I was laughing heartily at times. I hope you are not feeling so blue and will take heart and continue being patient. Sure that word has a wonderful meaning in your life and ours too. One funny thing you never ended your letter with the usual closing remarks not your name I just wondered if you had layed it aside aiming to finish later then hurriedly put it in envelope thinking it complete. Oh how I would love to visit those historic places with you, my the longing that came into my heart to have such a privilege with the dear boy that lies so near my heart. Talk? well I guess we would talk till we Became toungue tied or paralyzed or something. In the times of Restitution just think you will take a flying machine trip over in the country where you saw so much misery and horrow and bloodshed and where you spent such lonesome days in "the days of wa[i]ting to go home" Then things will be changed a cerning to life will be the order of the day. Every one walking or making a good start to walk on the "high way of holiness" when all things that stumble and offend will be gathered out no Lions shall be there Nothing shall offend or hurt in all my holy Mount says the Lord. But Kings & Kingdoms must be brought down. not just Kings that wear crowns but coal Kings sugar Kings Meat Kings and Rail Road Kings and what not. I see in the paper that the I.W.W.s and anarchest are planning to overthrow all government and order, it is all going to come as has been predicted. But I do hope you will get home first. One thing sure you are not the only one who is longing for home, misery like company. That is one the ways I have consoling my longing heart is that there are other Mother, or parents, and many others who are misirably passing along waiting longing for their loved ones but truly the time will roll around and soon they will be all coming back. Now I have my routine of work to do not much of course but helps to employ my mind, and thus a week soon rolls by but it will drag now till I hear if you got well again as long as you stayed well and could feel as good as you did in the letter you wrote in Jan about playing for Marie Adelaid and of how well you were feeling and how you were getting plenty of comfort of course I will not try and word it as you had it worded only you said if you could just come home in the condition you were in then I would realize my best wishes what I hoped & hoped would come to pass. and it may yet if you get over your cold without pneumonia and then continue to stay well. The flu has broke out some again there was hardly any in the Month of Feb.

You mentioned in Cecils letter of sometime when you could tell her of the things you had to bear that was hard. I wish I knew what kind of discipline that they were still enforcing. seems too bad to think of any hardships after the necessity has ceased. It almost makes a bitter feeling come into more hearts thin the soldiers. Yet we must not forget that we are living at a time when we can expect most anything, many unjust things are now going on. our brothers that are in prison feel the unjustness of 26 yrs imprisonment when they were innocent of any guilt. Well the reckoning day is not far off any more. Revolution & Anarchy. and bolshevists rampant every where is bound to bring on the awful time of trouble. yet it is not going to wipe all humanity of the earth for many people will live through it. for it says in the scripture that after all this trouble the people will turn to Him with a pure language. that will be after the great conflict is over[.] Last week -- just a week ago tonight all of Bro Banghards were up to spend the evening and hear our music. I had Anna to stay all night. I gave her one of those colored pictures of Vianden that we had two alike she was so pleased to get it, she wasn't thinking of such a thing as me giving her one. She works in the hair dressing department at the Emery. Say my dear boy I think you certainly are good to find an illustration that so nicely fit your "wisdom tooth" experiance I dont know when anything so ammused me I certainly took a laugh so did daddy and also Sr Rife she said well if that isn't funny that you would think of such a thing. the comparison is sure fitting. My I do hope long before this letter reaches you that you will be over your cold and in brighter spirits I cant bear to think of you being home sick when I am so helpless. But your feelings about it (your home-coming) seeming so far away that it will never happen is just exactly the way I felt at times when I was down at Rays. Some times I would feel so bad, and afraid I would take the typhoid fever and never get back home and many other things would come up in my mind that looked like things that might hinder me from getting home. Then when I did get home fell in the cellar and could have easy ended my life right there yet it was so overruled that I am still here So that is the way with you only a thousand times worse of course. but we will hope that He who watched over and cared for you all along will still protect you Guy & Della came in this evening just after I got our supper dishes washed. I wannt looking for them till after the show tonight but they came out here first I dont know just what time Della came up to town but quite a bit before they came out here. Guy said they were going to stay the rest of the week I am glad for then they will be company and help me to get my mind off you continuously which your ilness is causing. it is not much of the time but what you are on my mind but the thoughts of you being sick is harrassing to my heart and mind.

Daddy saw Maude the other morning as she was going to work. The paper states she was to Chicago and just got back. I havn't seen her for a long time. Well for some reason Uncle Joe didn't get to come at the time I wrote you of. I dont know if he will get out yet this winter or spring I should say. Say daddy topped that tree next to the garden cut of all the new groths back to what you cut off. I see in the paper they are trying to hurry up the Rainbow Div coming home. They wanted it here to parade for the next Liberty Loan. As it has men of all the states they think it will make a good representation of the American Army. And todays paper states that Pershing has ordered them to pack or prepare for embarkation So you just be patient a little longer then your div. will be ordered to do likewise and finally all that is to come now this Spring will all be coming home Hoyts div (the 90th) comes home in June.

Wed. Morning 12th Now I am going to record this letter as Mar. 12. you can refer to it by that date.- Well Della & I have been talking all morning just about as fast as we can. I am so sorry they do not hear from you for there are several letters that they have written to you that you have not answered and you havn't refered to them in my letters so we dont know if you got them or not. Guy answered your letter to him while he was in Camp right away in receiving it. he wonders if you ever got it. Say dear boy, every time I allow myself to think of you being sick I get so weak and almost turn sick. So if you are getting alright, or you are over your cold, I certainly am undergoing a strain that is harder on me thin when you were in the great war. where I didn't build very much on seeing you again. But now I have allowed myself to look forward to your homecoming as a possibility and now that you are sick I am almost paralized with alarm. I am hoping and praying that I get a letter from you soon stating that you are alright. We have 3 hens setting. 2 last Sat. one this Monday. we are selling eggs right-along and only wish you were here to store away all you wanted. Well dear boy if this finds you alive I do hope you will take the best of care of yourself and that the good Lord will overrule that you can come home OK. May His overruling providence provide the needful things for your health and comfort.

Your Mother & Father who love you dearly. Write soon

[appended upside down at top of first sheet]

After the strain I am undergoing right now is ever releived by another letter from you stating you are alright will be the greatest appreciated letter all it seems. O God may it be so. Della just now handed in this picture to send to you it look good of Guy